you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
