My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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