If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
