I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
