There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
