So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
