U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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