I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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