I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
