I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
