My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love black thongs
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
