i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
