is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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