I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
