I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
