whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
