'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
