I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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