Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
