no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
nutella sex= disaster
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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