somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
