Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
