come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
