People in love make me want to vomit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
