Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
