I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
