ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
