woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
