I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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