I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
