i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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