I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
