"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize