I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
