North Korea, Best Korea!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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