This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
