I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
