do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
where are my eyebrows?
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