dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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