Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
