Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
