I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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