Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
