margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
