Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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