It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
