Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
