right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need water and some morals
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
