Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
