Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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