there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
