did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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