um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
