chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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