I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
