I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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