My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize