For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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