Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no, he came in my armpit
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
