I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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You're a waste of cheezeits
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize