He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
