I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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