This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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