the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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