Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
