don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
