is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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