yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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